5. Aergia: Goddess of Laziness
This is literally me when I have unfinished homework due the next day and I had all weekend to finish it.
Aergia is the goddess of idleness, indolence, laziness and sloth. To be honest, at first, I thought that she was the goddess of sloths until I found that “sloth” is one of the seven sins in Catholic teachings.
She was the daughter of Aether, the God of the Bright Upper Sky and Gaia. I don’t understand how putting the God of the Bright Upper Sky and the Goddess of the Earth together leads to laziness but apparently, her siblings are the gods of Pain, Guile, Anger, Lamentation, Lies, Oath, Vengeance, Intemperance, Altercation, Forgetfulness, Fear, Arrogance, Sacrilege and Combat. Must have been a highly dysfunctional family. Probably the parents didn’t teach any of their children well.
Aergia is also said to be the guard in the court of the God of Sleep, Hypnos. I don’t understand how anyone can trust the Goddess of Laziness to guard anything. She probably would have fallen asleep on the job. Even if she watched an assassin blatantly walk into the halls I’m pretty sure she would just continue lying there. Look at her, she’ll probably just make an excuse saying she fainted or something like she was Sleeping Beauty or something. Anyways, that leads us to the next god.
4. Epimetheus: God of Afterthought and Excuses
Everyone knows the story of how Prometheus stole fire from the Gods to gift to his
creation of mankind but not everyone knows why mankind was left with no gifts in the first place. Well, turns out it was Prometheus’ brother, Epimetheus, the God of Afterthought and Excuses.
I don’t really get why he’s the God of Excuses specifically, because it doesn’t seem like he made a lot of excuses, but I guess that’s what he is so I can’t argue with that. Next time someone tells me to stop making excuses for myself, I’m just gonna use the excuse that Epimetheus made me do it (ironic).
STORY TIME!
Once upon a time, Prometheus and his brother, Epimetheus were tasked with populating the entire world with animals and men. Prometheus created men and Epimetheus started giving out gifts to all the animals to provide them with positive traits. However, because Epimetheus lacks foresight, afterall, he is the God of Afterthought, he gave out all the gifts and then came to mankind last, realising that he had run out of gifts. Thus, Prometheus went to steal fire from the Gods to give to mankind but this pissed off Zeus. Zeus then created Pandora, the first female human as a gift of evil to mankind. The foolish Epimetheus decided to wed Pandora even though Prometheus told him that this was a trick by Zeus. Such an idiot. Pandora then opened Pandora’s box and released all the plagues and sins to curse mankind. The only good that came out of this was that hope was released into the world too. I guess this guy is to blame for all the bad traits of mankind.
3. Cardea: Goddess of Door Hinges
Someone help, this goddess sounds like the most useless and random god ever. What does she even do? Bless your door hinges not to be squeaky? Is she literally holding a door hinge in that photo? She looks like she’s either going to kiss or eat that door hinge.
Roman doors used to be hung on door hinges and Cardea defended children from being haunted by evil spirits that would enter their rooms. It appears that she would hang hawthorn (a plant) over the window of the child’s room to protect them. Apparently there are numerous other gods of doorways in Greek mythology. Why? Did the Greeks love doors so much? I guess so.
She was also the lover of Janus, the Greek god of doorways and passages, who gave her the power to use the hinges of doors to protect people in houses from evil spirits. Imagine this as a Marvel movie. A superhero who has the power to use the door hinges in a house to ward off vampires and spirits.
2. Oizys: Goddess of Depression
That painting definitely looks like the Goddess of Depression. I don’t know who painted it though, I couldn’t find any ancient depictions of her. She’s not only the Goddess of Depression but also of Misery, Anxiety, Grief and Misfortune. She’s basically the goddess of mental breakdowns.
Her name sounds like some Australian slang word though.
She’s the daughter of Nyx, the Goddess of the Night, who apparently gave birth to Oizys and her twin via asexual reproduction!
Apparently Oizys did not gain as large of a following as goddesses like Hera or Iris. Like, no shit, who’s going to worship the Goddess of Depression and Misery?
There’s not much mythology about her, although there is a lot of fan art and fan fictions about her.
She’s also a Marvel character apparently? So I guess she’s one point up on the Goddess of Door Hinges. This is what she looks like in Marvel comics. She actually looks quite ugly and normie. She fought the Avengers though! But she was squished to death under Hercules’ boot. Lame.
1. Koalemos: God of Stupidity
Oh my god, look at that monstrosity of a God. He’s a son of Nyx, making him a brother of Oizys (I legitimately forgot her name and had to go back up to find it). His name means “stupid person” or “blockhead”. That’s kind of rude and mean, but I can see why.
He has the power to possess a person and turn them into idiots and fools. Apparently, when the people of Greece were being impulsive or stupid, they were said to have been possessed by Koalemos himself.
His name reminds me of the word “Koala Bear” for some reason.
The goal of this god was to make people do stupid things. What a noble goal for such a noble god. I mean, look at that ass in that picture. I’m sure Priapus would be fuming mad if he saw that ass right now.
I am pretty sure this guy is the most powerful god of them all. Imagine being able to turn any person into an idiot. Not like, most people aren’t already…
Anyways, I just thought it was interesting to look at a bunch of really random and stupid Greek gods. Maybe I’ll do another one of these lists for another culture’s gods or find out more random facts about Greek mythology.
At least today I have learnt about the Gods that are clearly to blame for my laziness and daily sadness!
